Scientists of the Sasquatch Genome Project supposedly unveiled five years' worth of DNA evidence corroborating the existence of Bigfoot on Tuesday—including 113 samples of hair, blood, and saliva. They said that it indicated a genetic hybrid developed from the modern female human, challenging both prevailing notions of evolution and human gullibility.
"We have more data in our paper than ever done before to prove a new species," says Melba Ketchum, the genetics scientist who leads the Project. "But basic science doesn't like the results."
The Sasquatch team also produced a video of "Matilda," a restlessly-sleeping Chewbacca-throw rug hybrid that sources say might be a Bigfoot.