Parties Not On Our List
1) Anything involving Brooklyn hipsters, including but not limited to kickball, tall bikes, and the Idiotarod
2) The midwinter feast of Thorrablot in Iceland: burned lamb's head and ram-testicle cakes?
3) Festivities that include the words "spring break" and "Daytona Beach"
4) The Rainbow Gathering: 5,000 hippies, zero sanitation infrastructure. Enough said.
17,600 FEET, NEPAL
Everest Base Camp
[Spring & Fall]
Situated below the Khumbu Icefall, Base Camp resembles a wilder, dirtier Chamonix. On site at any given time: an ex–Playboy bunny, rich Texans, Japanese retirees, and at least one former acid-dealing Scotsman. In the Nalgene Scotch or fermented mare's milk. The Circus Climbers converge on the mountain in April to begin summit bids—but not before excessive drinking, pickup baseball games, and the occasional Sherpa striptease. BYO Collapsible party tent, bottled oxygen, case of 25-year-old Macallan.
YOSEMITE NATIONAL PARK
[All Summer Long]
The notorious epicenter for dirtbag climbers since the heyday of Yvon Chouinard. These days Chouinard sightings may be rare, but the dirtbag legacy lives on in the form of Hans Florine and the Huber brothers. In the Bottle Full Sail Pale Ale. Warning Don't expect open arms, but a case of beer can do wonders. BYO Ropes, haul bag, sleeping bag.
Love child of Woodstock and Lollapalooza, Bonnaroo is spread across 700 acres and serves up one of the most diverse band lineups of any summertime music festival. Last year's roster featured shows by the Police, Wilco, and Ben Harper. In the Dixie Cup Magic Hat Circus Boy Hefeweizen. Tip Call yourself a "music blogger" (who isn't these days?) and try to finagle one of the festival's much-coveted media bracelets. Last year, lucky journos were treated to press-only acoustic shows by Cold War Kids and Clap Your Hands Say Yeah's Alec Ounsworth. BYO Pimped-out RV, collapsible party tent, and kegerator.
STURGIS, SOUTH DAKOTA
Break out the leather chaps. The weeklong rally includes nearly half a million bikers and a dizzying array of fashion shows, full-contact street fighting, coleslaw wrestling, and tattooed flesh. In the Flask Jack, Jim, Johnnie, or George. The View Watch the mad cavalcade from a balcony at the historic Franklin Hotel, in Deadwood. At night, Buffalo Chip offers camping, cabins, World War II Russian tank rides, and the Miss Buffalo Chip pageant. BYO '79 Harley Shovelhead chopper with ape hangers, "Mama" in cutoff ass pants.
BLACK ROCK CITY, NEVADA
[August 25–September 1]
Let's face it: You hate Burning Man because, deep down, you want to go. And who wouldn't have a good time in a clothing-optional, free-for-all art carnival in the desert? In the Jerry Can Water to combat the 107-degree heat. The Party All around you. Drop those inhibitions, break out the body paint, and mingle at the Booby Bar or Barbie Death Camp & Wine Bistro, where they serve full-flavored California merlot while dismembering the iconic American doll. BYO Tent, sunscreen, pink unitard, and glow sticks.