THE SITUATION: There is one certainty in life: at some point in the near future you will either become a zombie or you will have to fend off a horde of flesh-hungry ghouls that want to eat you. All of this other advice, you’ll probably never use any of it. But this, this is cold, hard reality. You should get the following information tattooed on your eyelids and probably (backwards) on your forehead, too.
"1. Prepare or Perish: When the dead walk the earth, who perishes and who stays alive will largely be determined by how well they prepared before disaster struck. Do you have the tools, skills, and mental fortitude to survive over the long term if civilization collapses this instant? If not, you might want to think about making some changes, or you risk starving to death or being eaten alive by what used to be your dear friends and family."
"2. Stay Local to Stay Alive: All zombie survival is local. The fantasy of traveling hundreds of miles to an ideal location in an unfamiliar city, town, or wilderness region is just that: a fantasy. Of course no matter how well stocked and fortified you are at home, chances are you’ll eventually find a compelling reason to hit the road. But until then, every mile you venture outside of your comfort zone reduces your chances of survival."
"3. Keep Your Head Up: Maintaining a positive mental attitude in a catastrophic undead outbreak is just as vital to your survival as having essential gear and supplies. Depression and despair already cause harmful effects in tens of millions of people worldwide. In a zombie pandemic, these same mental obstacles will often be the difference between life and death. Unless you keep your mind right, all the fitness, preparation, and know-how in the world will do you no good."
"4. Follow the Rule of Three: This established survivalist principle holds that in a worst-case scenario, a person can live only so long without certain essentials. In three minutes, you’re dead without air. In three hours, you’re dead without shelter. In three days, you’re dead without water. In three weeks, you’re dead without food. Remember the rule of three in the aftermath of a zombie outbreak or when trying to survive any other more common catastrophic natural or man-made disaster."
"5. Stay Away From People: There’s a lot we still don’t know about, but one key ingredient is obvious: people. Without people, there can be no walking dead trying to hunt and kill other people. This seems like a simple concept, but it’s too often overlooked when developing survival strategies for a zombie outbreak. The best advice for increasing your odds of staying alive is to keep away from people."