Loving Them to Death

May 2, 2004
Outside Magazine
Outside magazine, October 1995

Loving Them to Death

Excerpts from Aaron Bacon's personal journal

Aaron Bacon "working towards success" 1-March-94

I have been shaking from the cold since I got here, my body being used to the weather in Phoenix is going to go into auto shock. I feel like I'm going to die. My whole body is goose flesh and I feel like it's being stretched over my body like the skin of an animal over a drum. I am scared. I don't know when I can talk or if I can. I was given "food" today and I have no clue how to eat any of it. I am being grouped with 9 advanced students (who I can have no verbal contact with, and of course no physical) 5 of the nine are girls, I can't believe that these people are happy and I don't. I have noticed that all of the advanced students have cheese and sausage. I am with one other "A teamer" (I guess that's what I am) he and I can talk as much as I want with him, thank (word scratched out). I've been sitting by the fire since I've been writing and I've been the closest that I've been to another person (or the longest length of time) and I am still cold as all (word scratched out). I have to write as I would speak now because "There is to be no use of profanity. This rule includes never using of the name of deity (God) in vain." What bull (word scratched out). They are . . .

One of the final entries
(This entry is blood-smeared and every sentence grows increasing illegible)

. . . blood every where, my nose has been bleeding for the past couple daze and even that scares me. I never get nose bleeds at home and that sort of reminds me of that airplane movie where (illegible) is always saying he never does that at home.


1) Who: Aaron Bacon
What: work on trail (illegible) when we hike
When: on the trail
How: (illegible)

2) Who: Aaron Bacon
What: self discipline
Where: everywhere
When: all of the time
How: listen and don't talk. do!

3) Who: Aaron Bacon
How: soul search and (the rest is illegible)

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