Awesome Schlock
Adventure films so horrendously awful, they’re brilliant.
10The River Wild (1994)
The plot is washed out, and villains Kevin Bacon and a pre-comedic John C. Reilly are mediocre at best. But when the bad guys force a buffed-out Meryl Streep and her family to run—oh, what should they call it?—the Gauntlet, the whitewater scenes actually hold up.
9 On the Edge (1985)
The heroes of this documentary about California’s Dipsea Trail Race are men with mustaches and beards and short shorts and knee-high socks. The soundtrack could be from a porn film. And after watching this, you will immediately go running. Possibly in short shorts.
8 Cane Toads (1988)
With a cast of the real-life toad-obsessed to put Best in Show’s eccentrics to shame, this justly celebrated documentary follows the scorched-earth path of Australia’s cane toads, imported in the 1930s to eat the continent’s sugarcane grub.
7 Hot Dog … The Movie (1984)
With its “slobs vs. snobs” theme and too-awesomely-crude-to-be-offensive sense of humor, it’s the Caddyshack of raunchy nineties ski films. Only with way more gratuitous nudity—and surprisingly good action scenes.
6 Point Break (1991)
The bankrobber-nabbing plot is juvenile, the acting (Keanu and Swayze) is worse, but few movies are this fun to watch—it’s specifically about the pursuit of adrenaline. To be specific, in Keanu’s words, “One hundred percent pure adrenaline!”.
5 Into Thin Air: Death on Everest (1997)
The movie version of Jon Krakauer's book, starring 30 Something's Peter Horton as Scott Fischer and Christopher McDonald as Krakauer, was painful. The on-mountain scenes looked like they were filmed in a studio with a snowblowing machine, and the actors must've been told to pant heavily to imitate what it's like to breathe at high altitude. Do yourself a favor—read the book.
4 Aspen Extreme (1993)
Detroit factory worker turned Aspen ski instructor + hot wealthy cougar + neon one-piece + cute girl next door with heart of gold + evil German instructor + much cocaine = brilliance.
3 Gleaming the Cube (1989)
Christian Slater as skateboard misfit seeks the killers of his adopted Vietnamese brother. How that became the plot of a Hollywood skate film, we have no idea. More baffling is how they convinced Tony Hawk to appear in the movie.
2 Cliffhanger (1993)
“If you’re looking for Qualen, look about 4,000 feet south of here. He’ll be the one wearing a helicopter.” —Sylvester Stallone
1 Vertical Limit (2000)
Nitroglycerin! Terrible acting! Pulmonary edema! Avalanches! Self-sacrifice! The plotlines are so contrived, the actions sequences so absurd, and the movie in general so awesomely bad, it easily takes the cake as the worst adventure story ever put to film.
--The Editors
Comments
You forgot the horrible animatronic eagle in the opening scene. Colbert's is better!
Flag ThisGreat list! So much terrible-awesomeness! :) I had the distinct pleasure of watching Into Thin Air in a Nepali teahouse trekking to Everest BC. It was surreal.
Flag ThisI am ASTOUNDED that you guys overlooked the most egregiously schlocky movie ever made: RAD. this movie not only stars Lori Laughlin as a often crudely doubled-for heroine, but features prominently a young Bart Conner as a mean yet badass bmx pro with a chip on his shoulder. Boo on you, Schlock judges! hahaha
Flag ThisPoint Break is the greatest surfing skydiving bankrobber movie ever! Also, can't believe you guys left off "Airborne" (1993?). The most nineties-esque awesomely terrible rollerblading movie ever.
Flag This"On the Edge" is more awesome than bad, more brilliant than awful. The POV shots of people running on the trail are great. Plus the original cut had a nude scene with Pam Grier!!
Flag ThisI'd have to toss Five Days One Summer into the mix. Sean Connery as rock climber. Schlocky, indeed, but with some nice photography of the Swiss alps.
Flag This@shaffer I admit to adoring Airborne! Guilty pleasure. I loved Seth Green and Shane McDermott. He was dreamy (says my teenage self) :D
Flag ThisWhat about "the Eiger Sanction"? That's gotta be right up there
Flag ThisAspen Extreme is clearly one of the best movies ever made. My sister and I watch it every year before ski season. Let's be honest, that scene skiing down the frozen waterfall? And the powder 8? And naked cracked out Dexter Rutecki running down the street at night? Entertainment doesn't get much better than that.
Flag ThisThe first scene of Cliffhanger is intense. My stomach churns everytime I watch it. In many ways it's a typical Stallone action movie, but that scene elevates it above many others.
Flag ThisFrom any angle Point Break is a great film. Maybe should be on a list of ten best adventure films. I don't agree it should be on your list of worst. It was directed by the first woman director to ever win an Oscar.
Flag ThisI liked Point Break. I thought Swayze was great as the wild-eyed "mystic". One of his best roles. Beats the hell out of Road House.
Flag ThisFor all their shortcomings as films, the period that began with "CLiffhanger," "The River Wild," and "Vertical Limit" represented sort of a Golden Age in outdoor culture in the US. They were in response to public interest (I remember Newsweek's vacation issue in 1994 was all abut rock climbing, rafting, et al.). To be sure many viewers were living vicariously but nonetheless active outdoors pursuits - not just the clothing - were in the mainstream. Even "Outside" was more outdoors-focused. And I rather enjoyed "The River Wild."
Flag ThisOops - should have said the period ended with "Vertical Limit." It is included as one of the films beginning the Golden Age.
Flag ThisThanks! I now have a full netflix queue.
Flag ThisI agree with Mr. Baker and the Golden Age of Outdoor Culture and "K2" should have been on the list, poor acting,script from the "American Flyer" school, but made me want to go out and climb something or at very least buy a stair climber.
Flag ThisI am shocked not to see more Swayze. How about "Red Dawn"? It is too fantastic to overlook.
Flag ThisVertical Limit did provide trashy enjoyment, but the opening red-rock climbing scene was amazing, gripping and surprisingly realistic especially since the rest of the movie was more traditional Hollywood hype.
Flag ThisI really would have liked to see Whitewater Summer starring Kevin Bacon replace Point Break.
Flag ThisI agree Whitewater Summer is my #1 bad, good movie of all time!
Flag ThisI agree Whitewater Summer is my #1 bad, good movie of all time!
Flag ThisRAD takes the cake here guys.
Flag ThisThe start scene for cliffhanger is awesome....makes my stomach sick.
Flag ThisWhat about North Shore, kid surfing a wave tank makes it big? It was so BAD it should qualify as great.
Flag ThisWhat about "Without a Paddle"? It's dumb, it's cheeky, it's canoeing, it's Hollywood made adventure....The best hour and a half you've ever wasted. Hilarious to all who have seen it. ...Later Ray-Bans....
Flag ThisDon't forget Drop Zone with Wesley Snipes. 3 years after Point Break and there's Gary Busey again doing what he does best... Whatever that is. The characters don't compete with the likes of Johnny Utah but I seem to recall a couple impressive jump scenes.
Flag ThisNothing compares with the Eiger Sanction. It's important to combine the stupidest plot with the best actual climbing footage in order to achieve the maximum mind warp. Mike Hoover shot that in Zion and Germany, and the climbing is as real as Clint Eastwood and George Kennedy are ridiculous. Opening scenes of Vertical Limit and Cliffhanger were like that: implausible situations but strong cinematography. Point Break was actually pretty good.
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