"Staying in the house breeds a sort of insanity always." —Henry David Thoreau
Cook gutted, skewered squirrel 12-18" over a bed of coals, rotating every two minutes. Remove when joints in back legs separate easily, about 20 minutes
Approximately 35 minutes, plus time to start the fire and find your skewers
Kindling; Coleman fire-starting paste (optional); knife; one-two sticks for skewering; two-four forked sticks
OPTIONAL MUSIC PAIRING
"Animal Rap Instrumental" by Jedi Mind Tricks
Perhaps you think that squirrels are cute, mute little creatures.
Not so. They produce a chirp-squeal akin to a Jack Russell digging through a chalkboard. I know this because the little devils woke me throughout college from a branch outside my window at 6 a.m. or earlier. In Princeton, New Jersey, rumor has it, squirrels were once part of a breeding experiment at the university. The result? Thousands of racket-making rodents with odd coloration straight out of Pimp My Squirrel—dots, zebra patterns, racing stripes, and so on.
Just before Steve Rinella and I rendezvoused in South Carolina, where I could order a hunting license online instead of spending weeks on paperwork (in California), he sent me the itinerary via email: