(1) Fake two sick days (you got it BAD), in the middle of the week. If possible, schedule them so you miss a "fun" work event, like a special (free) lunch.
(2) Rent some movies the first day; play outside the next. If caught, say you're feeling better but are still CONTAGIOUS. Tell the person who catches you that you don't want to touch or breathe on him.
(3) Once you're back at work, never imply that you took some "time off." Instead, say, "Believe me, that was a hard time." TRUST NO ONE with the truth—absolutely no one.
(4) Be prepared for the fact that some will never believe you were sick, but it's their job to pretend to believe you. And the sad/happy truth is, as long as no one has to do your work for you, no one REALLY CARES whether you're there or not.