For nearly 50 miles, the road bends with the river—first the South Fork, then the Main Salmon. Cecilville Road was nothing but one lane with a few pullouts in 1991, so locals used CB radios to avoid collisions. I was nine then, and sandwiched between my mom, Evans Phelps, and my stepdad, Jerry Davidson, on the bench seat of Jerry's white Toyota pickup. "What's your handle?" Jerry asked, passing me the mike.
"This is Kayaker Nine," I announced. Jerry was teaching me trucker slang, and Mom laughed. "We're heading downstream on the South Fork at mile 11. Over and out."
"You've got a future in radio, kid," Jerry told me, cracking sunflower seeds in his teeth. He cranked up Tom Petty's "Learning to Fly" on a mix tape my mom had made, and we sang along. Jerry was tall and strong, wearing sunglasses attached to a cord around his neck. Mom's dark, wavy hair hung to her chin, and her legs were lean from cycling.
Somewhere up the road was our cabin on California's Salmon River, one of the very few undammed rivers in the state and a spot so remote—deep in the 1.7-million-acre Klamath National Forest—that electricity still doesn't reach it. The closest town, Forks of Salmon, consists of a post office, a tiny elementary school, a herd of wild ponies, and an oak-shaded picnic table that serves as the local pub. Fewer than 100 people lived out there then, and fewer now: gold miners, pot growers, Native Americans, hippies who come to stay at the nearby Black Bear Commune, and, thanks to the world-class whitewater, a handful of kayakers.
A couple of miles downstream from Forks, Jerry turned left at the wooden sign marking the entrance to Otter Bar Lodge, the whitewater kayak school where he had met my mom. The lodge shared a road with our cabin—a small, wood-framed loft with a gas stove and no walls, perched on a cliff overlooking a quiet bend in the Salmon.
That year, I took a boogie board down a mellow stretch of river, roasted marshmallows, and swam in the ponds while Mom and Jerry kayaked. It was one of the last times that things were really good.
On our first night at the cabin, Jerry and I carved our names into the picnic table out front. Jerry used his middle name, Raymond, which was also his trailer-park alter ego. When he and Mom—married for two years at that point—went on vacation, they used to make home videos pretending to be Marge and Raymond, a redneck couple out for a good time. Our Christmas card that year featured the whole family, including my 15-year-old brother, Miles, and 13-year-old sister, Erin, dressed in rags in front of a dilapidated shed. It read, "Merry Christmas. How was your year?"
It was all an act, of course, but the kind that softens the truth by exaggerating it. You see, Jerry had a violent side that came out when he drank. One minute he'd be playing fetch with our dog, the next he was shattering plates. I only remember snippets of the fights—of him smashing a dresser and hitting Mom in the face with a full Diet Coke can, blackening her eye. Once he got so mad at Miles that my brother ran out of the house and then moved back to Dad's place a few weeks later.

Comments
Megan, Your strength in telling your story has given me tears in my eyes and a deep feeling of love for you and your family. I enjoyed all the wonderful times I was able to share with all of you. Jerry was an amazing man who took me on some wonderful adventures as well! I have fond memories of rafting and skiing with all of you! I think that you have done a wonderful thing for yourself and others by sharing this with everyone. You should be proud of yourself Megan, you are a strong woman!
Flag ThisMegan - Incredible story and what a journey to undertake. Not that I was lacking in admiration for your spirit, but now I feel like you've blown everything out of the water. You don't deserve any of this heartache but I know understand where your strength and determination come from. Thanks for sharing your story.
Flag ThisMegan, what a story! I didn't know all of this about your mom. I met you once when I stopped by at your grandmother's; you were 13, and teaching her how to use her Mac. I remember hearing about Evans' husband being shot; the incident was shrouded in mystery. Your story reminds me how we fail to recognize that everyone has had pain in their past. I'm glad you were able to get to the bottom of yours. It sounds like you found peace and healing in the process. Go, Girl!
Flag ThisMegan, what a story! I didn't know all of this about your mom. I met you once when I stopped by at your grandmother's; you were 13, and teaching her how to use her Mac. I remember hearing about Evans' husband being shot; the incident was shrouded in mystery. Your story reminds me how we fail to recognize that everyone has had pain in their past. I'm glad you were able to get to the bottom of yours. It sounds like you found peace and healing in the process. Go, Girl!
Flag ThisMegan, what a story! I didn't know all of this about your mom. I met you once when I stopped by at your grandmother's; you were 13, and teaching her how to use her Mac. I remember hearing about Evans' husband being shot; the incident was shrouded in mystery. Your story reminds me how we fail to recognize that everyone has had pain in their past. I'm glad you were able to get to the bottom of yours. It sounds like you found peace and healing in the process. Go, Girl!
Flag ThisMegan, what a story! I didn't know all of this about your mom. I met you once when I stopped by at your grandmother's; you were 13, and teaching her how to use her Mac. I remember hearing about Evans' husband being shot; the incident was shrouded in mystery. Your story reminds me how we fail to recognize that everyone has had pain in their past. I'm glad you were able to get to the bottom of yours. It sounds like you found peace and healing in the process. Go, Girl!
Flag ThisMegan, what a story! I didn't know all of this about your mom. I met you once when I stopped by at your grandmother's; you were 13, and teaching her how to use her Mac. I remember hearing about Evans' husband being shot; the incident was shrouded in mystery. Your story reminds me how we fail to recognize that everyone has had pain in their past. I'm glad you were able to get to the bottom of yours. It sounds like you found peace and healing in the process. Go, Girl!
Flag ThisYou have an amazing gift of not only being able to tell a story so well, but also of being able to face life and be in the hurt and bring healing to it, for yourself and all who read it.
Flag ThisUnbelievable talent you have, Megan. I started to read this article in a hotel lobby, moved to tears and ran to my room to finish the article in privacy. I'm truly moved. I'm so glad you are able to share this story. Off to buy a bunch of magazines from the gift store.
Flag ThisSo proud of you, well done on taking a very painful chapter in our lives and turning in into a moving and touching story.
Flag ThisWow Megan. Kudos. Here's to your abilities (of which there appear to be many), especially the way you captured authentic life in your own adept words and--even more impressive--the gutsy way you shared it with the world. It is truly our gain.
Flag ThisWow, you have captured so much in your telling of this story. I was one of the lucky ones that when I met Jerry, he immediately befriended me and took me under his wing. I saw the fun and good in him and had little experience with his 'other side'. When anyone has such imbalance, it is an illness, and so hard to comprehend. You were always so beautiful and I saw how much Jerry loved you. I am so impressed with how you have grown from your experiences. Thank you for sharing so eloquently.
Flag ThisMegan, Thanks for sharing this. Excellent writing of a painful time. I read with wonder, not remembering the timing of everything. The cabin was where your sister and I and a few others went for our graduation trip the summer of 1995. I didn't remember that it was so soon after Jerry's death. It was and is a special place. I look forward to reading more from you!
Flag ThisHmmmm....weird, but I pretty much stopped reading after the bit where the fellow was smashing plates and giving mom a black eye with a Diet Coke can. No interest in someone like that.
Flag ThisYou managed to tell this without being sentimental. It galloped along and had none of the poor-me dreck that makes other personal journalism unreadable. It should be a template.
Flag ThisWhen I stumbled upon this article and read the opening line referring to a "remote kayaking lodge in Northern California," I immediately wondered if it was Otter Bar, where I spent the better part of an amazing week in June 2002. Your piece is beautifully written and hauntingly compelling, Megan. I hope it has helped you to heal and move beyond this traumatic event.
Flag ThisWhen I stumbled upon this article and read the opening line referring to a "remote kayaking lodge in Northern California," I immediately wondered if it was Otter Bar, where I spent the better part of an amazing week in June 2002. Your piece is beautifully written and hauntingly compelling, Megan. I hope it has helped you to heal and move beyond this traumatic event.
Flag ThisTheres always more to a story. Jerry had very strong feelings towards loyalty and betrayal. Previous to his marriage to Evans, he had his world shattered by his friend and kayaking partner having an affair with his fiancée. He never got over it, and it tainted his outlook on life. Just before Peter sold the property to Jerry and Evans, Peter had the survey lines changed. It took away the beach they thought they were buying, and gave them a piece of road instead.
Flag ThisIn Jerrys mind, a friend had betrayed him again. To punish Peter, he would lock off his newly purchased road. Peter was now forced to use his other access road to Otter Bar. JD, being Peters lover, was now part of the betrayal. When Jerry crashed his truck, he went to Peters house to ask to use the phone to call a tow truck. JD was there and refused to let Jerry in to use the phone. After an argument, Jerry being drunk, threatened JD.
Flag ThisThere are many ways the situation could have been defused. JD chose lethal force. Jerry did not choose suicide by murder. He just wanted to use the phone.
Flag ThisWow, Megan, amazing article! I had no idea about your family history. I wonder sometimes how your brother is doing after his ski accident a while ago? You have sure turned into a wonderful storyteller. I am sure this wasn't an easy story to write. Hope you got some healing and peace. - melissa
Flag ThisIts sad he was killed, but dont call J.D. the coward. When someone is pointing a gun at you, you better assume they will use it, and when you have been warned and the only response you have is that your going to shove it up their ass, well, you deserve anything that happens after that. I really dont care how great of a guy he was, alcohol and him caused problems, and karma got him in the end.
Flag ThisI dunno. I'm torn about whether JD should have used lethal force. Jerry was unarmed. Sure he was raging mad but he had no weapon other than his fists. Why didn't JD counter fists with fists, man to man? Perhaps the life of an imperfect but inherently good man wouldn't have ended that day. I can see a woman using lethal force, but JD, who presumably was physically fit like Jerry, I don't know. Coward might be the correct adjective.
Flag ThisCome on Guys: Jerry was a drunk and a bully who specialized in beating up women. This time he chose the wrong victim. Regarding the use of deadly force, what was JD supposed to do? Jerry was attacking him in the home he was residing at the time. His choice was to flee his residence, take a beating from a drunk, of do what he did, dispose of the threat. I am sorry for the young lady. However, she, her mother, and the world are better off with Jerry gone. Pippin
Flag Thisgreat job meghan...sad story but as people have stated ....much more to the situation than meets the eye...life goes on...say hi to ur mom for us..i forwarded this to my girls...keep up the good work..jack
Flag ThisGreat job, Ski Girl. Haunting.
Flag ThisGreat story. I live in Grass Valley, and have been to the kayak house party a couple of times. And to their Halloween haunted house event. Very well written captivating article.
Flag Thisquite alot of name dropping in our little industry. So there was a murder. Jerry was wrong and intoxicated. He bullied JD. Maybe JD coulda held out longer, or gone about it in another way, but thats not what happened. Everything happens the way its supposed to. Great story and great writing though.
Flag ThisRiveting story Megan! Love your courage! Your dad stopped by for a visit with me ,after spending time with you in Seattle.He then sent me your story. It's funny how connections work. I have never met you but I am so proud of you and happy for your strength and willingness to face what's real ,your incredible talent, Your willingness to let go so that you can grow. You will undoubtedly grow into your most magnificent possibility if you stay on this track. I hope one day to have an adventure story that you would want to write about,because i'm sure you would do a superb job.
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