I am a beginner with all of this, and so are you. (If you are not, then, man, I apologize.) And so, the basics of this sport are simple enough: one slides a stone, two others sweep, and you try to get your stones as close to the middle of the house. Then, the other team goes, and it alternates from there, kind of like frozen bocce ball. One team wins the end (consisting of eight stones from each team) and gets however many points they've earned. Ten ends are played, and then it’s over so long as it’s not tied.

This is the crudest of explanations, and it is so because it is without any real native-curling lingo. Therefore, and in order to avoid the almost-inevitable universe theorizing/philosophizing that’s come to characterize this, I present to you a quiz concerning some of the more obscure curling terms.

One definition is correct; the other is not. Anything less than 100 percent and you will be locked inside an igloo with a bristle-less broom and the cellmate that is your own mind.

1) Biter:
A) A slightly more vivacious nibbler.
B) A stone that just touches the outer edge of the outside circle of the house. 

2) Dinosaur Telegraph:
A) An imaginary method of communication in which letters are transported between human beings, generally by way of pterodactyl.
B) An unimaginative move, generally by an older curler, that provides an obvious path to victory for the opposing team. 

3) Bonspiel:
A) A curling competition or tournament.
B) An extended monologue concerning a frozen desert of chocolate and ice cream.

4) Burned Stone:
A) Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, et. al.
B) A stone in motion touched by a player or any part of a player’s equipment.

5) Hog Line: 
A) A row of swine.
B) A line extending across the width of the sheet that is parallel to and located 21 feet from each tee line.