If your New Year's resolution is 'eat more bacon' or 'drink more booze,' we have the gift for you.
In the 1780s, a partridge in a pear tree might have seemed like the ultimate foodie Christmas gift. But these days, we have real tidings of comfort and joy—like craft beer and hot sauce and gin-making kits.
Secret Binocular Flask ($17)
If you've spent significant time around birders, you understand this gift. Each binocular barrel holds eight ounces of liquor, more than enough booze to sustain an all-day trek to spot a Kirtland's warbler. Unfortunately, the binoculars don't actually work, so you'll have to fake it—something other birders may catch on to when they peek at your life list and see nothing but "Wild Turkey."
Beer Mittens ($20 for one)
The struggle to keep your beer cold and your hands warm is real. With this knit kuzy-mitten combo, you can continue your day-drinking habits without the risk of frostbite.
Stanley Vacuum Bottle With Carrier ($80)
Aspirational lifestyle brand Filson teamed up with beloved thermos maker Stanley to create this fit-for-a-lumberjack carafe. The vacuum-insulated bottle is leakproof and keeps java hot for up to 15 hours. The Filson bag is made of tough, water-repellent fabric and snaps over the top of the bottle, swaddling and protecting your precious coffee.
Bicycle Pizza Cutter (From $13)
Cyclists know Park Tools' reliable wrenches are designed with function in mind. The company brings these same qualities to the table with its cute bike-shaped pizza cutter. It's bigger than your average pizza slicer, adding leverage that makes slicing through crust easy. The company also sells barbecue tongs made from cone wrenches. Park Tools only sells through local bike shops, though, so check the company's site to find a vendor near you.
Bacon Making Kit ($40)
Curing meat is best done with expert instructions. Skip the how-to on Pinterest and get this kit from the gourmet gurus at Williams-Sonoma. You'll need to supply your own pork belly (ask your butcher), but all other essentials are included.
Bike Can Cage ($72)
As stylish as it is functional, this leather cage accommodates a standard can or a tallboy. The folks over at Walnut Studios hand-stitched rigid leather together so the holder keeps your drink steady even on rough gravel roads. Ships ready-to-install with clamps that attach to the stem spacers and handlebar.
Hot Sauce of The Month Club ($118 for a year subscription)
A membership with this club gets you two bottles of hot sauce delivered to your doorstep every month. Some, like the Mad Dog Pure Ghost Hot Sauce, are viciously hot, while others, like the milder Arrogant Bastard Ale Jalapeño Hot Sauce, add both flavor and punch.
Hydroflask Insulated Growler ($55)
This 64-ounce, double-walled, stainless steel growler is made from 100 percent recycled materials, and Hydroflask guarantees it will keep an I.P.A. cold for up to 24 hours. A specially-designed lid features ultra-tight threads and an airtight gasket to keep carbonation in and stop leaks. The whole thing is BPA-free and comes with a lifetime warranty.
Bear Bottle Opener ($18)
No matter how much your teenage orthodontia cost, the urge to rip beers open with your teeth never really goes away. Let this bear's incisors do the mauling instead. It's mountable, made of sturdy metal, and scientifically proven to be impossible to use while not chuckling at least a bit.
Wine Bag ($63)
Boxed wine's portability is hard to beat, but the selection can be limited. With this bag, you can pack any wine you want—no glass to worry about. The disposable interior wine bags carry up to three quarts of liquid, and the outer carrying case interfaces with most box wine taps. A non-slip rubber base keeps the bag upright and your cargo safe.
Homemade Gin Kit (From $50)
Homebrew is so 2012. This kit turns a regular bottle of vodka into a bottle of gin in just 36 hours. The spices, juniper berries, glass bottles, and directions are included, but the vodka is not. Refill spices—including a smoky and a holiday spice blend—are also available. Opt for the barrel-aging add-on kit, which includes two charred oak staves, to "barrel age" your gin in a bottle.