Humor. Essays. Adventure.
Choose wisely, friends
Fact: ski season is just around the corner. Another fact: it's hard to participate in ski season without skis. Don't fret—we've got you covered with these handy tips.
- Don't buy skis at Home Depot. If you find yourself buying skis at Home Depot, double check to make sure you aren't just carrying two eight-foot 2x4s of spruce wood. Spruce 2x4s are great for lots of things, but will not perform that well when you’re out on the slopes.
- Make sure you're buying skis and not snow blades. How can you tell the difference? Bring a measuring tape to the store. Adult skis are longer than 130 cm.
- Make sure you're getting your money's worth. If you feel like you're spending a lot of money, it doesn't hurt to ask the salesperson for a deal, i.e., “Hey, since I’m spending all this money on these skis, maybe you could throw in a leaf blower, or a gift card to Chili’s?”
- If you’re buying powder skis, it’s worth it to ask a salesperson to confirm that they aren’t, in fact, just selling you two snowboards and expecting you not to notice.
- Select a ski with a darker-colored outside. Hold the ski in your hand. Gently squeeze the ski. The outside should be firm, but yield to gentle pressure—that’s how you tell that it’s ripe.
- If you are intoxicated, make sure you have a friend drive you to the ski shop, or take a Lyft.
- If you’re buying used skis and the seller wants to meet somewhere deserted after dark and says things like, “Bring cash in unmarked bills and come alone,” double-check with the seller to make sure you are buying skis and not a gym bag full of cocaine. Cocaine, while exciting and fun, is actually illegal. Skiing is just as exciting and just as fun, but legal—and not to mention, it’s usually cheaper than a gym bag full of cocaine.
- Downhill skiing requires special shoes. When buying skis, make sure to ask the sales staff at the shop to help you pick out a good pair of ski shoes.
- Stand the skis up. The ski tip should be somewhere between your chin and the top of your head.
- What brand of skis does your friend Justin have? Get those.
Read more from Brendan Leonard at Semi-Rad.com.