Look guys, I get it. Virtually every normal American loves the outdoors. There are as many visitors to National Parks as there are U.S. citizens. The outdoor-recreation industry is the third largest in the nation. So far as demographics go, we’re a way bigger voting block than rich people, old people, or even xenophobes. So you want our vote.
But man, you go about pretending to be one of us in all the wrong ways. Just take Roy Moore, who rode a horse to the polls in Tuesday's special election for the Alabama Senate seat. Horse Twitter promptly and viciously came after him for his poor form. He lost the race.
With other campaigns already ramping up for the mid-terms, let’s try and help the politicians who remain in the running.
Do: Take Your Family Along.
Don’t: Ride a Horse. Ever.
Do: Hang Out with Bear Grylls.
Don’t: Forget to Pull Your Waders Up.
Do: Take Gun Safety Seriously.
Don’t: Shoot Your Buddies in the Face.
Do: Pose Shirtless.
Don’t: Wear White Clothes Outdoors.
Do: Be an Athlete
Don’t: Antagonize Actual Athletes.
Do: Love Animals.
Don’t: Be Cruel to Animals.
Do: Protect the Environment.
Don’t: Destroy It.
Bonus Don’t: Lie to Us.