|Fly This Way
||The Faustian Bargain
||Maui or Bust
|Talk ’til you drop
||Earn five miles for every dollar you spend yakking via MCI WorldCom long-distance service. Sign up for MCI’s Internet Service and receive an additional 1,000 miles; sign up for either service online and score yet another 1,000 miles.
||After the initial 5,000 sign-up points kick in, stock up on throat lozenges—you’ll need to spend 9,000 hours chatting with your friends in remote foreign countries to accrue the roughly 140,000 miles needed to wing a family of four from L.A. to Kahului.
||United, Continental, U.S. Airways, Delta, American; Northwest has a similar arrangement with Sprint
|Refinance your home
||Earn 1,000 miles for each $10,000 you borrow from Countrywide Home Loans. A home-equity loan or line of credit bags you 2,500 free miles; buying or selling your house earns 1,500 miles per $10,000 of purchase or sale price.
||This one’s a cinch: Simply borrow $1.5 million to buy that fixer-upper in Bel Air.
||U.S. Airways, American; Delta has a similar program with Better Homes & Gardens Real Estate Services
||Earn 50 points for every five-pound bag of coffee from Mountainview Roastery Coffee Company; score an additional 500 free miles with your third order of beans.
||Are 2,790 five-pound bags really that much coffee? I-start-talking-real-fast-just-thinking-about-all-that-joe.
|Spike your cholesterol count
||Subscribe to one year of International Gourmet’s Cheese-of-the-Month Club ($16.95 per month) and get 500 free miles.
||One year=500 miles, ergo 280 years=140,000 miles. How much cheese are we talking about here? Stand back and man the defibrillators! At 3,360 pounds, you’ll have enough fondue to coat most of Switzerland.
|Give your windows the royal treatment
||For every Express Blinds window treatment order over $200, you are awarded 500 miles.
||This deal is perfect for Martha Stewart’s East Hampton home. At $41 a pop, she’ll need to treat 1,366 windows—which will provide just enough shade for those Italian oregano seedlings germinating in the window boxes.
|Prepare your palate for airline food
||In a new twist on physics, the more you eat, the quicker you fly. Through December 31, you’ll receive a 500-mile frequent-flyer certificate for every ten UPCs from Healthy Choice frozen meals you submit.
||A Healthy Choice a day for the next 400 weeks puts you at your hula lesson just after that layover at your gastroenterologist’s office in Los Angeles.
||American, Northwest, United, Delta, TWA, U.S. Airways