Ahmadinejad to Be Iran’s First Astronaut

Eager to sacrifice himself


Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has bravely volunteered to risk his life as the first Iranian astronaut sent into space. The often-embattled politician spoke to the country’s official news agency, IRNA, Monday, saying “I’m ready to be the first Iranian to sacrifice myself for our country’s scientists.” Ahmadinejad would join Iran’s illustrious group of space pioneers, which includes a mouse, a turtle, some worms, and, as of last Monday, a monkey named Pishgam.

Ahmadinejad demonstrated no awareness of the fact that a woman, Anousheh Ansari, already became the first Iranian in space in September 2006. The telecommunications entrepreneur made the personally-funded journey to the International Space Station aboard a Russian Soyuz capsule and became an inspiration to Iran’s oppressed female population.

Best of luck.