Kilts Will Help Your Sperm, Get You Laid, Supposedly

Dutch researcher crusades against pants

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Heed these words, Men. Drop everything you are doing and take off your pants. According to a Dutch researcher, the modern male “scrotal environment” is killing your sperm. The solution? Kilts.

The tyrannical confinement of pants and underwear holds the testicles close to the body, which sits at an average 98.6 degrees. According to Erwin Kompanje, a senior researcher in the department of intensive care at Erasmus University in Rotterdam, “adequate spermatogenesis requires a temperature about 3 degrees [Celsius] lower than normal body temperature.” Pants also restrict the function of the cremaster muscle, which raises and lowers the scrotum in response to heat and cold. “In tight trousers it cannot work,” says Kompanje. “In a naked man, or a man wearing a kilt, it can and will.”

However, Kompanje admitted that he hasn’t yet proved this theory and is only working off of his own experience with kilts. “I searched on sperm quality [sic] and found many scientific papers related to high scrotal temperature and tight clothing,” he said “So as 1+1=2, I formed the hypothesis that wearing a skirt-like garment (as a kilt) without underwear would help to improve sperm quality.”

Though lacking scientific proof, Kompanje still believes that a kilt can increase your chances of reproduction through fashion alone. “I found literature, and I have experienced this myself, that women like to see a man wearing a kilt,” he said with a wink. “It can be very masculine and sexy.”

There you have it. One and a half reasons to wear a kilt.

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