Ride With Pride: The Dirt Dictionary

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Outside magazine, March 1995

Ride With Pride: The Dirt Dictionary

BOING: A suspension fork or stem; a dual-suspension bike is a boing-boing. “Mark’s not going to feel much pain with his new boing-boing.”

BONK: Cycling’s classic term for blowing up, hitting the wall, or otherwise expiring in midride. Can be caused by — and is frequently blamed on — insufficient water or calorie intake, but in truth is usually a result of insufficient training. “Had I eaten more linguini last night, I’m certain I wouldn’t have bonked.”

CRAYON: A mostly road-specific verb that refers to the leaving of skin and viscera on the asphalt after a crash. “I’m not sure Lisa’s going to make it tonight. We locked wheels this morning and she crayoned all over the place.”

GIBLETS: Sexy little add-ons or upgrades, usually made of titanium or CNC’d aluminum (see “A Phrase Book for the Bike Bazaar”). “That’s the fourth time this week that Tom’s gone by the shop to gawk at giblets.” (See also velo-porn.)

HENRIK “HANK” DJERNIS: Pronounced “JER-nis,” the three-time defending world cross-country mountain-bike champion and hard-guy of the dirt. Use his surname (charitably) to make your riding chum feel very tough. “Man, you really Djernised me on that last climb.”

TI: Pronounced “tie,” it’s the periodic-table abbreviation for titanium, and just about the only chemistry-class vestige that a rider should sprinkle into the conversation. “Sheila’s running ti bar ends, ti pedal spindles, a ti seat post, and a ti wedding band.”

VELO-PORN: Full-page, four-color advertisements of giblets in cycling magazines. It can arouse giblet lust, giblet envy, and in serious cases, feelings of bike inadequacy. “Peter skipped right over the race results and went straight for the velo-porn.

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